January Twenty-Something

No. No, no, no, no, no. You cannot start on the liquor at 8:30. You are still in your pajamas, for chrissake.

I paced around my unit for 10 minutes or so feeling anxious. What was I supposed to be doing... I forgot. I know I had plans yesterday of what I would do to occupy myself. Carefully laid plans from keep me moving forward.
Shit, how could I forget... liquor liquor liquor liquor.
Gross, rum breakfast sounds awful. That isn't what you want.
What else is nearby and destructive that I can have? Shit, cut that out, you nut!

Practice your music. I don't wanna.
Paint. I don't feel like it.
Facebook - shit, shit, shit. Aww, you did it. :(
Why did you look?
Another dose of sickness.

Reality is a heavy rain sinking into my wool sweater.
Pipeline approved.
Coat hanger abortions are back in fashion.
Your career will be frozen.
Science is a hoax.
I'm so itchy.
GET OUT OF BED. PUT DOWN YOUR PHONE.

Crap, why did I ever get a smart phone?
Oh yeah, cause I couldn't get my flip phone repaired. Shoved into the next wave of reality, plugged in and monitored.
But the GPS is so haaaaandy

Pacing, pacing.
Oh thank god. COFFEE.
I forgot about you, coffee. Routine. Normal. Wholesome-ish.
Something to sit down with and rake up my jumbled thoughts.

okay....... so I'm looking at my Christmas tree. Yes, my Christmas tree. There are no ornaments anymore, just needles all over the floor. It's drooping outline is a reminder that I need to figure out what's next. It's January twenty-something; January 2017 will only be twenty-something a short bit longer, and so will I.

Yeah so the tree - get rid of that thing. I will.
What's next, though?
I wish I still had a flip phone.

Hey! Focus, lady.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

To Be Still

You are more than it.

You are more than your Heartbreak

You are more than your Blood

You are more than your Joy

Your Guilt

Your Memories, Obligations, or Fears

You are more than Numbers on a Scale or a Chart

or a Sexual Identity

You are more than your Hobbies

You are more than your Mantras

You are more than a Mother, Father, Sister, Brother,

You are not Color

You are not Money

You have no Face

You have no Body

No Gym Routine

No Couch Routine

No Addiction

You are more than a Factory for processing society's drudgery

You are more than Exhaustion

You are more than Bloodshed, Revenge, Anger

You are more than even Love or Understanding

Strip it all away.

You are more than a sum of your parts, more than a set of societal norms, more than your feelings. 

These are the easy answers; the ones that can be used to quantify ourselves based on specificities of time and environment. They are for the benefit of that which is not us.

If ever you have the courage to release your ego, you may have the chance to steal away

Who Am I

You are exactly the weight of the universe.