A Leap of Faith

Becoming a ranger was something that I dreamt of since childhood. As an adult, I would tell people that it was what I envisioned for myself eventually. The line kept coming out of my mouth, even after I stopped believing it. I had been applying for park jobs for nearly five years and nothing ever came of it. Nothing. No call. No interview. Ever.

And then a call did come.
Unexpectedly and with poor timing.
But I went. And here's what I'm proud of;

* Buying a new (used) car after crashing into a deer.

* Creating two of my own park programs.

* Helping to run the astronomy program.

* Learning the science of the caves, ancient trees, and night skies.

* Receiving an absurd amount of comment cards, being gifted Japanese treats with a touching note, and being invited to Austria for a glass of wine.

* Hiking every trail in the park.

* Finding one small flower (still in bloom) that exists on only one mountain in the world.

* Killing all the mice that got into the house. Every. Single. One.

* Making great friends.

* Creating art that I love.

* Translating the park brochure into Japanese.

* Having my video of a silver-haired bat posted on the park's Facebook page.

* Taking care of a ranch.

* Learning to take a risk and trust that I would land on my feet.

Before I decided to go, I was terrified. I had resolved to work for money, and I was content enough. I had a good office, good benefits, good co-workers. Starting as a temp employee, I worked my way up to get hired on full-time and had just received my first ever promotion.


Walking away from what I had made for myself to take a seasonal position seemed like insanity.

Now I can see clearly that it was the only decision that made any sense. Life is short.



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(I wrote only one journal entry at the park, and have decided to share it...)

10/21

Well I'm here. And here I've been.
I'll while away by these trees a little longer then be gone.
I haven't written because I've been wrapped up in magic thread.

The pungent sage echoes through the mist hanging low; the clouds funneling themselves to the earth across endless miles of sky. It's so quiet.

A deer stops in its tracks and looks dead into my eyes. 

I am what is waking in you, she says.

Y   e   s   ,

I answer

Soon she is bolting into a thicket of dusky amber, where I wish I could follow and my spirit would drink in the stillness until it was quenched. 

In this modern world I am always thirsty. 

But we all must get along, mustn't we?

The ground stirs; it too is awake.
From my feet, to my knees, to the chakras in my temples. I can feel them near.
Hooves of wild horses are drumming across the valley. My heart answers.

...I'm here, I'm here, I'm here...
..........Pa-rum, pa-rum, pa-rum..........

Racing across canvas after canvas of jagged rock, their nostrils flare and sweat streaks across their coats. Manes shake and earth breaks under their thunder. I close my eyes.

I feel the heartbeat in the ground.
I'm here. I'm here.

..........Pa-rum, pa-rum, pa-rum..........

It rolls louder,  l o u d e r ,   l  o  u  d  e  r  .

Then it slowly f   a    d      e        s,
and all is still once more.

And soon I'll be gone, 

and we all will fade.

And I wish only for this wonderful stillness.