Thursday, December 16, 2010

Toastin' mallows

My German host sister from high school proposed a cool idea about a month ago.
Below is my contribution to our D.I.Y. Christmas gift exchange.
It's a little monster brah roasting a marshmallow over a campfire.

...My first attempt failed miserably because I accidentally tried to bake modeling clay. Narf!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Red Christmas

I just about need to scoop my brains back into my skull. Everything everyone is doing is bothersome. 
Why are you swaggering to the sink like a tough guy? I've seen you looking at me and I don't care. You act too tough and I think it's more weird than attractive. I'm from Detroit, so if you keep puffing out your chest I might just have to bust a spitball in yo ass on my way to the tea machine. Bi-otch. And Jesus, why is that guy always grunting to himself? Oh come on, now! You're going to stand there and shake your hands all over my workspace like a wet dog? I hate sitting by the sink and I hate working with everyone.

Granted... my attitude isn't the best today. What can I say, though? I'm a victim of circumstance. I haven't stopped working in weeks. I had to drive 3 hours to a 5 hour meeting on Saturday. Been taking work home just about every day. Last night I didn't fall to sleep for hours. I was thinking too hard about going home, seeing my family. It's been the light at the end of the dark tunnel for so long now. But as I get closer, I'm starting to see that the light is actually coming from a collapsing star and I've already been beamed into it's obliterating suck. Goddammit, my family has tricked me again. They've used my homesickness as a guise to lure me back to hell. Can't wait to be corrected on my values and belittled for how many times I use the word 'like' in a sentence. I fucking know it makes me sounds like an idiot, but why don't you try and see how easy it is to correct your own vernacular? For starters, how about you stop saying 'dawwg gawwnit' forever? Victim of circumstance. Get over it.

I know this blog is mostly me talking to myself, but for anyone curious as to why I haven't posted in a while, it's because I've been caught up in planning my Christmas genocide.

Happy Holidays, all!